I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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