let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
only you would photoshop your dick
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
