I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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