I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
