Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
