She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
