You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
