So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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