I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
