3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
