we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have already put on my inside pants.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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