they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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