considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
