You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
