Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
