my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
