I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
