You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
