In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
