Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
