theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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