For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
