I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
