Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
