I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
