We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
