i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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