Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
