He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
