My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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