I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
