Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
