He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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