So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
