well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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