This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
