we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
