census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
