hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
