College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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