i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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