Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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