We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
