I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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