pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Vodka?
Forever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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