Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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