Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
