my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
