i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
