We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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