Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
