speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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