I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
